forgive and forget

Assalamualaikum.

18 February 2014

Assalamualaikum and good morning. I dont know how to start this. I felt akward and i just want to let you know that i felt guilty without a reason. I dont know why you tend ti keep avoiding me without an intention to let me know why and what is the main reason. I kept blaming myself because i know you are a good person that Allah has grant to me. There is a lot of things that you told me. Things that remind me to seek back my inner peace. Last but not least is to have a good impression and never judge people.

16 March 2014

Assalamualaikum :) i were in Penang about a week and im staying in Kolej Intan because need to settle down with my research presentation FYP. Several time i bump into you but i dont think you recognize me. Its okay. I dont know why im insist to send this to you, maybe im eager to know what is my fault and why you keep ignoring me without single reason and any clue. For me maybe im sorry because i taught it is my fault but im not really sure if it is or not. Back to basic, unconsciously im human and i make mistake and it is part of humanity to forgive and forget. It was unexpected encounter when this kind of thing happened to me and i will always ask for an apology when somebody ignoring me. Whatever it is my prayer will always be with you. May Allah bless your journey. May Allah ease everything for you and keep struggle for your final exam. :) take care _______ who were somebody i used to know.................................................................

.....................................

    If a plane cannot be detected from the signal and missing without an action, so many people keep praying that may the plane come back and may the passengers safely arrived. At this extremity, humanity can be seen even if we live in different kind of religions and ethnicity, since everybody are unite together and keep praying for the missing plane. See, even if the passenger does not have any connection with us but this is what we called as self conscious, we felt sad and sympaty for everyone. Same goes and this is what I felt when you went away from my life as I do appreciate and I believe that there is a connection between us.

    Since September we start to know each other, and i remember we used to stay all night talking about everything. :) I were so admire to you. I cant even describe it. Come to November, you are suddenly out of the blue, out of my way. Some people said, maybe you are still in campus and repeat a few paper. So I think maybe you need time. The first phone call was on December but I you dont even pick up the call. You dont even reply my call. Still, I dont jump into conclusion and yet giving you space. On 18 February was the first text after we kept in silence mood and 16 March was the last. :") It is a month im giving you time, space gap and everything.

    How could I possibly explain what happened to us. With this kind of connection that we have, how could I explained when you are missing and i cant even reach you even if I send you messages through Whatsapp while you online and you reach and you read it. Why dont you just reply it? What happened to you and how could you change? Its been long time that we were not staying connected whether through phone calls or sms and etc. Maybe since November we are lost in contact but until today I cant even forget you. I remember you were the man that I will always being proud off. I know you are gentle in your own way and your maturity is beyond my expectation. To be frank, I regret to loose someone like you in my life weather for a friend or someone special, how could I know because I do personally appreciate your effort in my life even for a short moment we used to know each other. In two month and half, I were really being pampered by your existence. I admire you for who you are. In that time, i were so lucky to have you as my punching bag. I used to cried to you a lot during the night call, during every day im driving to work and in evening after im off from work.

   People who are close to me know what happen between me and you but they could not understand why it is happened. I mean they know the story but they even dont have any solution for me, they will always ask me to let you go. This time, I am really letting you go and right after this there will no more you and me. What just left are history. :') My friend told me that I am damn bloody insane and it seems like I am so desperate when im seek for you and trying to reach you back. No it is not the matter of addict to you or if im desperate to have you back in my life. I have no reason for that, but I could simply summarize it in 3 words. Honesty, sincere and take care. I felt the way you try to give it to me and i remember everything. I dont give a damn what people talk about you or even for me. For me i know who you are according to the way you treat me. :) maybe this kind of strange feeling is only Allah want me to understand and felt this. I am trying to rationalize this back but I also dont know why am I doing this. This is strange  strange feeling that could not being explain,  no matter how wordy words I am using or even sentence by sentences I am trying to explain, people will never understand me. I felt awkward about this matter.

   Why this is happened? For what reason. This kind of ignorance is killing me. Could you imagine, if someone who you used to rely on for example your best friend who you used to talk to each other, spending so many hours together, laughing and share so many stories and experience suddenly left you without a clue and a reason. How could this happen for sure only Allah does know everything. I know maybe some people will said that why you need to rely on people if Allah will always be there for you. Im not saying that im totally rely on this person but I dont even know what this strange feelings are, even me myself could not understand what is this how can i let you know this matter? How could i simplified this to be understood? Maybe Allah just right on time to answer my prayer. Maybe I just dont deserve a good guy like you. This feeling are killing me deep into the core of my heart. I dont know what happened to us. I dont have a clue why you tend to ignore me. 

   Maybe I am totally insane. I am out of my mind because I dont have any clue or sign or signal for what kind of reason you walk away from my life. If you are getting offended through my action, I already ask for an apology. If you have someone special, I dont care why dont just came and clarify it to me. If I am interrupt and annoy you why dont just you said it right to my face? I think I might be lost someone who have interconnection with my soul. A short moment friend. What kind of classification should I classified you into, I dont have any idea. We are stranger to each other but the climax when you were there at the moment I need you and now you disappear. This is epic. I am not your friend, even we are not couple or special friend. 

   Dear you,

I met my end point. My effort have been wasted. I admitted my fault. I seek for and apology, if I made a mistake but you are offbeat and I could no longer understand what is this. I give you a space for more than a month and I dont jump to conclusion but I settle down this rationally not emotionally. I dont know what should I do and yet i am giving up on you. This special post meant to you since I am moving on and delete every single thing about you. I felt insulted in this matter because I already done things that beyond my limit and capability but you are no longer someone mature that I used to know. Maybe your turning into a monster that I cant even recognize and that why your out of my ways since your not live in your human nature anymire. HAHAHAHA. I clarify to you about this matter, i came and approach you in a better way so that this matter could be solve but you still in your egoistic passion. Im letting go everything. :) thanks Muhammad Farhan Azman for letting me know who you are. I hope someday Allah will answer my prayer for what kind of reason this happened to me. Your still someone in my life but i just put you away because i tried so much as i can. I dont put any hate in you but still you loose my respect and im sorry for that because you are helpless. My prayer still there with you but im not. 

I am human, unconsciously i made mistake and I seek for an apology, back to basic it is human nature to forgive and forget. Im not going to forgive you because you done nothing wrong to me but you tear up my heart with your silence and disappearance. :")

Im sorry if this post you could not understand and figure out what it is all about as it goes same to me. Im sorry because I am emotionally breakdown. I need space. I need time to think rationally about my action. But i just wrote what in my heart. 

Till we meet again. Assalamualaikum.